| Its been a long time |
[11 May 2004|04:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
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music |
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the love cats - the cure |
] |
Well, whats new? Not a whole lot. Finals havn't been that bad for me. I have a lot of work to do. But Im not stressing myself out over any of it. I got the New Games director possition which is really cool, plus I got two jobs. Looks like this summer I am going to be keeping busy. Plus I finally got a car.
Things are going well for me. So, basically I don't have much to write about. I'll try to update more often. Bye
****
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(3 mindless fucks give me love)
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| Holy Names |
[14 Jan 2004|12:37pm] |
Nighttime's out security
The stars watch us like guardian angels
Skeletons of lives to come
Just frames to fill with living and dying
Signatures in permanent
We write our name like claiming a part of time
Layers of paint and fiberglass cover our world
We're in the foundation
This is what I give you
Rooftops with secret views
Fire escapes lead us to heaven
Train yards where we hide together
Nighttime's our security
The stars watch us like guardian angels
Takes these letters from an old sign
Now you've got your initials
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Holy Names (quality song)
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(1 mindless fuck give me love)
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| BEN HARPER!!!!! |
[16 Aug 2003|12:50am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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| [ |
music |
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Ben Harper - - Blessed To Be A Witness |
] |
I just got home from the Jack Johnson and Ben Harper show. Jack Johnson was on first and he did really well. It was cool cause I was pretty close to the stage while he played. It was so much fun.
Then about 10 minutes after Jack Johnson was done, BEN HARPER came out. Oh Yeah!!! Calen (my brother) and I were able to slightly push our way forward so we were maybe 4 people back from the front devider between the stage and the crowd. It was great. He played some really cool songs which I knew all of the words to. Then out of no where he says "I want to bring out a good friend of mine.... Carlos Santana." Oh my god! It was great. Ben Harper and Carlos Santana. It was insain. The Santana left. Then he played "Burn One Down" and my brother and I smoked two joints and sang and danced to the song. It was sweet. Every time it got silent I would scream "I love you Ben" or "Whoooo!". There was a few people who yelled I love you as well to the stage. But one guy was so funny. I yelled I love you, and some dude sayed "I love you more!!"
Ben Harper started doing some accoustic (think i spelt that wrong) stuff. Then he says out of no where "For This next song, I would like to bring out my mother" It was so cool. His mom came out and played and sang with him.
Then for the last song he brought back out Jack Johnson and they did a song together. Then of course he came back onto stage later and did a sweet song for the finally. It was sweet. I got to see Ben Harper so close up. I have always wanted to see him live!!!! And I finally did!
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(give me love)
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| WOOHOO FOR ME!! |
[02 Aug 2003|08:49pm] |
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It is almost 9 o'clock in the pm.. which means my 19th birthday offically starts in 3 hours. Thats right, in 3 hours, it will be my day. WooHoo!
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(give me love)
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| 4 Fucking Bites! |
[16 Jun 2003|01:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sore |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bohieman Like You - Danndy Warholes |
] |
I woke up this morning, and my head, my stomach, my index finger and my arm were all in a bad pain. I got bit by a spider 4 times. I am so scared of spiders, and I am so pissed that I got bit that many times. Well, where all of the bites were, the area swelled up, including my forehead. It sucks, and its so pain ful. My mom gave me some medicine for swelling and would knock me out. So I passed out, but when I woke up, the bites were still swelled. This sucks.
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(give me love)
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| Maybe if I kill myself, my mom would actully get to see me |
[03 Jun 2003|09:01pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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music |
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nothing... i have to be silent since mother is watching tv |
] |
Alright, just so everyone knows, I am not going to kill myself. The thing is, my mom works at a mortuary. Me and her are not getting along. I was thinking that if I was dead, then maybe I would get her attention since she would be forced to see me at the mortuary. Not going to happen though.
My mom and I went at it today. She yelled at me and swore like I've never seen before. But I wasn't giving in to it. I actully fought back. I wasn't going to let her just sit there and be horrible to me. Well, in the end, I was finacally cut off. The only thing I get from her now is that she is going to pay my tuition. Thats it. I have to look for a job and completly support myself now. I am an 18 year old college student, and now I am completly on my own. Well, I blew up at her. I said some horrible things, like "fuck you" "stupid bitch" "I hate the sight of you". The bad thing about it all, is that I truly mean it. I am not sorry at all. Not in the slightest. That probably makes me a horrible person now.
Its just that I hate it here. I don't like being home. I want to leave. I am going camping and can't wait to leave here. I don't hate my mother, but I am just tierd of her. She is always working, and then when she is around, she is so mean. She is horrible to me. I decided taht I am leaving after my camping trip back to humboldt. I am not going to come back for a long time. I can't stand being here. I don't think I am a bad kid. I try to please her, but its not good enought. Damn it. I hate life. I just can't wait to get out of this fucking god damn house and away from my mother who resembles the devil.
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(give me love)
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| Wow! I am home! |
[02 Jun 2003|07:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Alkaline Trio - Good Mourning Cd |
] |
Well, I am back in the bay. I must say its very interesting. So far I have gone to a few little parties with some friends and have had a good time. I drank and smoked and what not. Its kinda crazy. Things are good I guess. I am actully very happy to see all of my friends and my cousin and brother are both in town as well. So its cool to see them. The only thing that sucks is that my mom and i are fighting like mad. I can't stand being around her sometimes. I mean, i love her, and hate fighting with her. But she just drives me crazy some times. Oh well. well I am going to go back to doing nothing. Today has been pretty boring. Oh yeah... in humboldt.... it is never hot, but here in the bay area... it is so fucking hot... I hate heat.
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(give me love)
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| Sorry about not updating |
[23 May 2003|12:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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nothing |
] |
Well the reason I havn't updated is simple. I just have been extremly busy. I completed my first year of college last week! yeah for me. Also, I am now in my apartment. Thats right... Huffy is on her own. Its crazyness.
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(give me love)
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| I Got This Off Of Sams Journal - - Cause She Is Cute! TEEHEE |
[14 May 2003|08:02pm] |
LAYER ONE
--Name: Jordan
--Birthdate: Aug 3,1984
--Birthplace: Concord, CA
--Current Location: Arcata, Ca
--Eye Color: Brown
--Hair Color: Brown
--Height: 5'5"
--Righty or Lefty: right
--Zodiac Sign: Leo
Layer Two
--Your heritage: Irish and German
--The shoes you wore today: black converse
--Your weakness: cigarettes ... its addicting
--Your Fears: being alone, dying in a car crash
--Your perfect pizza: plain cheese
--Goal you'd like to achieve: Graduate from Humboldt.
LAYER THREE
--Your most over used phrase AIM: brb
--Your thought first waking up: Do I really have to go to class... or... can't my suite mates shut up
--Your best physical feature: my eyes
--Your bedtime: never before midnight
--Your most missed memory: Being back in good ol' Tinez
LAYER FOUR
--Pepsi or Coke: coke
--McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds ... even though I just ate some about 20 minutes ago and feel like puking it up
--Single or Group Dates: single
--Adidas or Nike: Adidas
--Lipton Ice tea or Nestea: Liptons
--Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
--cappuccino or coffee: depeneds.. morning bagels with heather or before class I would go with coffee.. but going to the coffee place in Walnut Creek with heather and samantha then cappucino
LAYER FIVE
--Smoke: Yes
--Cuss: a lot
--Sing: Yes but not well
--Take a Shower: try to daily
--Have a Crush: Not at the moment
--Do you think you've been in love: I don't know if it was love at the time.. if it was love.. then it was high school love
--Want to go to college: I am currently in college
--Want to get married: yes
--Believe in yourself: not as often as I would like
--Get motion sickness: not really
--Think you're attractive: not really
--Think you're a health freak: no, but i am paranoid about food
--Get along with your parents: yes
--Like thunderstorms:yes
--Play an instrument: no
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
--Drank alcohol: yeah
--Smoked: yeah
--Done a Drug: Yeah
--Had sex: yeah
--Made out: yeah
--Gone on a date: yeah
--Gone to the mall: yeah
--Eaten an entire box of oreo: no
--Eaten sushi: no way
--Gone skating: skatebording
--made homeade cookies: no
--Gone skinny dipping: Not since the Westair days
--Dyed your hair: No
--Stolen anything: no
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
--Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
--If so, was it mixed company: no
--Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
--Been caught "doing something": no
--Been called a tease: No
--Gotten beat up: no
--Shoplifted: back in the day
--Changed who you were to fit in: not really
LAYER EIGHT
--Age you hope to be married: im not sure.. around 25
--Number and Names of children: 1 girl - Bailey 1 Boy -Brody--Describe your dream wedding- out doors
--how do yu want to die: quickly
--Where do you want to go to college: already in college at Humboldt State
--What do you want to be when you grow up: no clue
--What coutry would you like to visit: don't know
LAYER NINE: In a guy/girl
--Best eye color: brown
--Best hair color: brown
--Short or long hair: short
--Height: taller then me
--Best weight: don't know
--Best articles of clothing: don't know
--Best first date location: In town Arcata
--Best first kiss location: doesn't matter
LAYER TEN
--Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
--Number of people I could trust with my life:a few.. mostly family
--Number of cd's I own: a whole lot
--Number of piercings: 10
--number of tatoos: none
--Number of times my name has been in the newspaper: three or four
--Number of scars on my body: moer then 10
--Number of things in my past that I regret: to many to count... live and learn
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(give me love)
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| One Minute Good... The Next Bad |
[10 May 2003|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mad Caddies - Shut the Door |
] |
My moods have been so fuckin' weird lately. Lets see... yesterday was all around a good day, but there were still moments when I felt weird. Like I was fine and then my mom called me and we got in a huge fight over the phone. So I was pissed off for about an hour and just laid in bed and watched a movie. Then a while later she called me back and then everything was fine.
Last night was ladies night since its my last weekend in the dorms. So we all decided to go out to Eureka to go out to dinner and on the way there Amber got pulled over and got a speeding ticket which pissed her off. Well after dinner we went out and bought some liqour. I got my favorite... Bacardi Rasberry Rum mixed with Lemonade Iced Tea. Ohhh its so good. Well, all the girls sat in a circle and played Waterfalls (drinking game) and we all got really really drunk. Then of course one of the guys knocks on the door and Stephany runs off with them... which means that was the end of Ladies night. So myself, Tommie and Amber all sat around drunk and talked. It was nice, but I was kinda pissed that Steph left. Mostly because earlier in the day she was making me feel bad cause she says I leave her out. Whatever. Its over and not worth worrying about.
Today I am going to go to the mall and get something nice for myself. I deserve something nice for myself. Cheap of course.
I came to the realization the other day that I have no worth. I am worth nothing really. I don't see much of an importance in myself. I felt bad about realizing this earlier... but then I kinda felt better that I accept feeling worthless. Maybe I'll feel better about myself once I have a real reason to. I think I depend on other people too much to make me feel good about myself cause I don't see anything good in myself. So once I figure a way out to feel good about myself without the help of other people... then maybe I will really be happy. I'll just have to wait and see. Oh yeah, please, no sympathy... that just feeds into my dependency on other people.
Well Im leaving now.... Peace out.
....
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(1 mindless fuck give me love)
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| Randomness |
[30 Apr 2003|10:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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beatsteaks - me against the world |
] |
I can't believe school is almost over. I can wait till I'm out of the dorms but at the same time I can't believe I am going to be moving away from some of the people here. The people here are pretty cool and I am actully going to miss them.
Classes so far today have been pretty boring. In my philosophy class, we had the wierdest debate. It was based around morals. We took a situation and based it to our own morals. The topic of depate was is woman a fault at all if she is raped. I just didn't really like... not because I don't have opinions on the topic, but the fact that I hate talking in class. Oh well.
I have to drink my coffee and eat my bagel and go to another class... so I will write more another time.
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(give me love)
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| Yet Another Attempt |
[28 Apr 2003|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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Screeching Weesle - cool kids |
] |
I have decided I am going to try and stop smoking. Now I am not going to stop all together because I do enjoy the occasional cigarette. I am planning on smoking when I am at a party or in social situations but not by myself anymore. Im going to try at least. So far its been about 24 hours. Im doing okay so far but I am coughing like mad. Its no fun.
The final stretch of school is coming up fast. Only three weeks. Its insain. I have so much shit to do until then... maybe I didn't pick a good time to stop smoking.. oh well.. I have to try anyway.
....
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(give me love)
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| Swallow, Choke and Die |
[27 Apr 2003|05:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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face to face - walk the walk |
] |
Last night was very intersting. I had to wear a dress which was very odd. But my hair looked very cute. I actully felt pretty for one night. Well once I got out of the dress I put back on my regular clothing and kept my hair all decked out. So I felt worth something that night. It was a nice feeling.
My date actully started puking at one point since he drank so much vodka. Then ha made out with some girl (I know her name, I just can't think of it). I didn't really care cause he is just one of my friends. So its cool with me. I just felt bad for the girl cause she didn't know he was puking. It was kinda gross.
Today has been decent so far even though I have been a little stressed out. I have so much work to do before school is out. I hate to say it, but I realized I still have feelings for Chris and I really wish I didn't. He has a girlfriend now. Its just all messed up. I think its cause we are still friends. The feelings I have for him are really small.. but I don't like the fact that they are still there. I guess its because I keep telling myself that if its meant to be then it will work out. But I don't know. I just don't know.
I found out today that I get some furniture for my appartment. so I am actully going to have things to fill the rooms with. ITs going to be so nice. Yeah for me.
....
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(give me love)
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| Wonder if everything will be good tonight |
[26 Apr 2003|03:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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AFI - Dancing through sunday |
] |
Tonight I am going to a thing called RCB. I don't really understand what it is, but I was asked to go. All I know is that its a catered meal and a after party with lots of beer. So hopefully it will be good.
The only thing that I am worried about is one of the guys who are going to be there. I don't really want to explain why. But just trust me.
Wish me luck.
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(give me love)
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| Thanks Heather! |
[25 Apr 2003|05:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
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| [ |
music |
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the the - this is the day |
] |
Thanks to Heather,I realized that I am going to die alone.
"You know that if you are not married by the time you are 30, the chances are that you will never be married"
Great. I have a little over 11 years. I am going to die sad and lonely. Just fucking wonderful.
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(1 mindless fuck give me love)
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| Random Mindless Crap |
[25 Apr 2003|01:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dorky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tsunami Bomb - Lemonade |
] |
Last night was actully pretty fun. I ended up getting stoned with Jeff again and then watch a movie with Tommie. It was pretty entertaining.
After the movie I went into Tonis room and hung out with her until about 2am. Since I was up so late last night, I obviously didn't wake up for my 8am class. So I slept in till about 11:30 and woke up with Toni jumping on me. I seriously freaked out. I thought I was being attacked. Then when I woke up I realized what my dream was. It had to do with my little cousin dying in a car crash. It scared me really. It was a very random dream but the thing is, the car crash was right in front of me and I watched him die. It was really odd. I wonder if it has some random meaning. But I wouldn't know cause I don't have one of those dream books.
Then Toni played some video games and I made fun of her for not being good at Super Mario World. Then every time she died I called her a sneaky little bitch.
Chris Rich came over and hung out for a while. That was nice. I like seeing him. It sucks that we don't hang out as much as we used to. He is a good guy. But we said we were going to hang out this weekend which should be fun.
Well I need to go I have some stuff I need to take care of. Me and Toni are going to go eat. I havn't eaten all day.
...
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(give me love)
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